Dear, My love is pure and bottomless. In all my wanting to serve and love you, I was killing myself. I slit my throat with daggers you threw at me. I heard that when you love someone so much, them hating you doesn't make you hate them, you hate yourself. I hated myself, really hated myself. I know that isn't fair to me though. My love is pure and bottomless. I don't deserve that. Sincerely,
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Showing posts from June, 2023
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Be unassuming. Otherwise, you'll cry.
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Dear reader, I feel so overwhelmed right now with all the changes happening in my environment. I know I'll be able to adjust, but I worry, at what cost? My mind feels like heavy rainfall. Droplets that are too hard to keep up with. So disarrayed. I'm lost. All I can really do is look the part, but I'm miserable. I'm lonely. I'm drained of spirit. Regards, Jpenseur
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I don't know what's happening to me. I feel like I'm turning into a monster. When I think of you I just feel so off. Like the thought of you disturbs me now. I was like starting to feel fine again, embracing apathy, but then you find some way to dig under my skin. I don't know, that's just where my mind is at. Emotionally, you have been feeling very draining.
Chores
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I don't want to reach out to you because when I do, there's no real effort to reciprocate. Reaching out is starting to feel like a chore, and I also feel like on your end responding is starting to feel like it too. I knew from the start that this relationship wasn't going to last that long. Whatever, I don't need anything from you. I don't need anything from anyone who takes away from my peace of mind.
What it feels
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The outward image of silence and peace of mind. When pieces of my mind fall apart. Screams of 'how stupid can you be' tear the vocal cords of my inner self. My eyes glossed over like how water dries outside. A white film of disappointment covers my cheeks. My mind glossed over warnings and signs. Miscued ideas of identity and boundary, I fell into the arm of my idealism. In its tender arms, it dropped me, and I cried like a baby. I walk around in search of happiness. Strides steady, focused on my steps. Endurance was never a problem, but lately, I've been out of breath. Overwhelming feelings of solitude blocked my windpipes. My heart and soul are at an inconsistent pace.