A double-edged sword of the human brain is that after intense feelings of emotional agony from a particular event, we develop mechanisms for minimizing its effects in the future.  One thing that's been prevalent to me is I'm no longer inclined to romantic love. It's sad, but it's true. Every time I seek romance, my brain rolls back to times of abandonment and insecurity. It's ironic because the 'fix' my brain chooses to deploy makes me feel like I'm broken. With each passing day, I become more and more apathetic to the idea of being alone. 

I'm a little bit confused. Are you downplaying my affection for you, or are you simply acting selflessly, wanting me to find someone I can love other than you? Either way... I don't need commentary on whether someone other than you misses me or whether someone other than you likes me. What are you trying to compensate for? I'm not that broken over you. What I love is no one's work but my own. Could you stop trying to help me? You don't realize just how hurtful and counterproductive you're being. 

  You do your best to keep me happy, to make up for the fact that you can't be with me? I appreciate your kindness, but this is the last thing I want. I never wanted you to suffer; the whole reason why I fell in love with you in the first place is that I felt it in my being to care for you; to nurture you. Think it through; there's no win for me in this situation. Let me paint the picture. You become distant, and I get sad. When I see you, I'm reminded of how I can't be with you; I get sad. When you see me, you feel heartbreak, and you get sad, which makes me sad. When I'm distant, you move on; I get sad. Don't try to make me smile; when you're suffering, it's counterproductive. I just wanted to be honest with my emotions; I was fully prepared for every consequence, even your "I know that wasn't what you expected." I want you to be happy. Okay? You have no obligation to me. Stay true to your words; how you're acting right now shows just...

  Don't be self-sabotaging just because you're feeling a little bit under the weather. Don't be fragile. You always just harbour so much internalized hate from yourself and others. Release that kaleidoscope of emotion.

I feel obligated to say I'm feeling "alright" in my moments of vulnerability because I don't feel secure enough to tell you I'm lonely. To tell you I have issues, that my soul feels unsettled, and that you made a mistake. 

People's emotions are like an assortment of flowers. Sometimes it's beautiful. Sometimes it's too much. Sometimes it's too little. Sometimes, I feel like I'm floral foam. Flowers jab at me until I feel like I'm crumbling. I want to present a beautiful bouquet, but I can't handle too many flowers at once. I lose pieces of myself, and water runs.