What's really been on my mind is you.  Well...I guess the idea of you; being loved by you. More generally,  the idea of being loved. I hate that you give me affection; just to retract it later. I can't blame you because you don't know or care enough. I love you sincerely, with so much heart. The sudden abandonment. The saddening isolation... intrusive reflections. What's really been on my mind is you.  Well...I guess the idea of you; Heartbreak makes loneliness bearable. More generally,  loneliness is unbearable.

"You miss someone that loved you so much you didn't have to love them back." Beautiful and Tragic.

Simply put, you broke me. You hide behind your euphemisms. You say "thoroughly enjoyed" when you play with my emotions. You say "weathered down" when you mangled me. You say "replaced" when you left me in loathing. "It was an accident."  Here's a euphemism for you. Scaredy cat. 

It's not my job to make sure you're happy.  That's on you.  It has always been on you.  Why should I feel guilty?  You're choosing to be a running contradiction.  I just wish you would make your mind up;  kills two birds with one stone.  All of what you're feeling is a result of your actions.

I'm a little bit confused. Are you downplaying my affection for you, or are you simply acting selflessly, wanting me to find someone I can love other than you? Either way... I don't need commentary on whether someone other than you misses me or whether someone other than you likes me. What are you trying to compensate for? I'm not that broken over you. What I love is no one's work but my own. Could you stop trying to help me? You don't realize just how hurtful and counterproductive you're being. 

  Lately, I've been feeling extremely aggravated by how you've been acting. On the few occasions where we can interact, you make an effort to be avoidant. Why is that? What's the point of you being around if we aren't even trying to bond or get along? Am I just overthinking this? Am I simply jealous of what others have with you? You know, I've been very insecure about how I should go about approaching you; it feels like any wrong move will split us farther apart. I know you don't hate me, but I hate this stagnation in our relationship. The root of all this frustration is I can't seem to connect with you, and any effort to try will only make things worse. On top of all that, I think you're purposeful; and the knowledge of my fragility does not bother you. I started feeling like you don't want me at all in any context, like I'm a burden, worthless, just some meaningless weed extremely root bound in your flower bed of perfect people. I feel like an ...

I no longer feel an ounce of attraction to you.  You can finally rest assured that I will never fall in love with you ever again.  You showed me a part of you that is too strong a rouge. I realize that I add nothing to your life.  I made that observation on that fact. You make an effort if it counts.  I'm not blind to situations. I'm not worth it.

Have you ever been afraid to admit that you are falling out of love with someone? For some reason, I am. My person has provided so much structure to who I am and who I want to be. The thought of them leaving is synonymous with the idea of me losing a part of my identity. Repetitive heartbreak taught me that; my love is simply a bewildering attempt to find myself. I no longer feel like we could be together. I'm happy for you, but not in the way that "it makes happy that you're happy." In a way, I'm utterly apathetic to who you want to be with; you don't deserve me. I feel a duty to preserve my happiness. 

Days move along, and I miss you less and less.  I don't try to look anymore, though I still anticipate.  I'm no longer excited when we are in a room together.  I'm nervous but in a different way. I guess you could say that I'm no longer fond of you. I'm now terrified; I don't know how to approach you. I'm falling out of love; sorry if that isn't what you want deep down. I took your words hard; I took your words like fact. Hard slap to the face. You're left alone with the consequence of your actions.

  It hurts the most when you are kind. But I'd rather you be kind and present than cold and nowhere to be. I still have the hopeful and naive mentality of 'Just be with me, and I'll promise to catch all the floating criticisms.'

And just like that, you're meaningless. Another temporary insignificant piece of my life. 

I needed a couple of reasons to hate you anyway.  You are insensitive about how I feel; You always have been. I turned a blind eye to that because I love way too hard. You lack conviction. You cling to an apathetic facade to avoid real issues in your life. You only ever acknowledge me when I reach out to you. I don't remember you ever checking up on me or ever worrying about me. It's always one-sided.  You grow and grow more like a stranger as the years have gone. I don't feel like you appreciate my company anymore.  You could live your life perfectly fine even if I weren't around. I realize your life would probably be so much better if I weren't around anyways. You probably think that too. You act in the manner that annoys me the most; I always push the idea to the back of my head, but, you know what, I hate that you're selfish. I hate that I have to hear you talk about how you are so deprived of love when I could give you all the fucking love in the world. How...

I would be lying if I told you I took that picture just because I felt like it. A big part of me wanted you to see me; see me be in the best light I could be. Despite everything, I still want you to be taken aback.  Low.

  It was valuable at its peak. It has depreciated into what it is now. I realize it's not worth much, but I still hold on to the sentimental value. It's like the coins in my hand have stopped becoming currency, reduced to simply cool-looking throwing stones.

Whenever there's someone new, I feel guilty. It's I'm like dishonouring you. I feel obligated to consider what the figment of you would feel. 

How did you rationalize that it was okay for you to do that to me? I should be upset, but a part of me knows that you were just looking for the fundamental need for happiness. I was the same. You tested the waters to see if I could've been the one. That was selfish of you because you knew I was doing the same. The result of our experiments came to a contrasting realization. You realize that the one was elsewhere when I found my one in you. 

  I don't understand what you are feeling or thinking; all I know is I'm worried for you. I wished you had trusted me enough to let me know what was going on. Sadly, I can't expect you to give me that. I'm just here until you need me. I don't know if all this will expire; I just hope there are no losers from it.

I hope for you to know that whenever I was distant or seemingly disinterested, my only goal was that I didn't want to grow too attached. I knew it would be detrimental for both of us. I care about you so much that I made sure that I would never stand in the way of your goals, no matter how hurt I might become. I did all that for your sake, and it ruined me and our relationship. I was between a rock and a hard place. My mental state was being crushed. Eventually, I couldn't bear the weight, and so I figured that telling you would liberate me from all of it. When those words came out, I was crushed in a different way, the kind where I completely collapsed. Despite my initial sorrow, I saw good come out of the situation. I no longer have to carry such a large burden with a frail structure. I rebuilt myself; with a lot more durability and a lot more love. I have settled with what you could give me. My hope now is that I can win you back. I just want to see where that takes me, wher...

Why are you still feeding into the idea? You are the loser; just get over it. Let the person be. 

  You are genuinely kind. I just fell in love with...you; all of what you are. I'm wrong for thinking that you used me for your own validation. You do love me, just not how I want you to. It would be a lie to say I'm okay with that, but what can I really do? I can't just blow a candle and be with you. I want your unconditional love.