jpenseur; Introspective Personal Journal, Poetry, and Anthology.

I hate how easy it can be for me to hate myself. 

If you are ever going to put something out in the world, make sure it adds value. Value is subjective, so I guess it is something that adds utility to people's lives. To me, value is providing comfort, love, and joy. 

If you put enough effort into something, it will become beautiful. It will grow beyond your hopes, and you will be left in wondrous awe. This applies to everything you hold dear. Remember that. 

I can be insensitive sometimes. There's a layer of nuance to people's emotions that I don't really get or understand. I know to tread more carefully. I'm relearning to be kind. In this world, no one really stands on the same ground. 

Don't tolerate intolerance. 

I feel that I put a lot of pressure on myself to be high-energy at all times. I'm learning that's not really sustainable. 

Love to me at the moment is an incessant longing and a desire for an unending.

I thought that, after everything, we could never be strangers. Strange as it is, your person no longer wanders in my mind. All that's left is a white silhouette, like how you cut out pictures from a magazine. With no substance, you don't hurt me. I'm finally fine, and I'm radiating from the inside. I think I would like to paint on the blank space you left behind. 

I am not feeling good at this moment. I feel restless, as if there's impending doom. My chest is tight. I am having one of those 'I don't know what's going on with my moments.'

One thing I am really proud of with myself is I never claim to be more than what I am. 

Thank you for being part of my world. With every breath, I feel your love. I feel safe and warm knowing that I'm dancing in your thoughts. 

  I just wasn't a good enough reminder that love can be a good thing. 

Be diligent. Be fearfully aware of the people you surround yourself with because not everyone can raise your spirits. Find someone who resonates with you as if it were part of their breathing—a connection that's personal and natural. Commonplace in the depths of your mind. 

You are the only person who can save yourself from whatever metaphysical cage you are in. When you are free, live. 

"I would've loved you if we had more time."  Quoted from 'They Both Die in the End' by Adam Silvera. This quote is thought-provoking because, in the business of life, we often forget just how much of a commodity time is, especially time with our loved ones.  It made me think how spending time with people doesn't hold as much value as it should. At any moment, love can just pass through our fingers.  We should make more effort to acknowledge how fortunate we are to love the people around us. Take in every moment with intention and with care. There’s no life without death and no love without loss.

I look forward to the days when my future self congratulates me for all the hard, painful work I put in making sure we are okay. That embrace between worriers and the relief brought to them. 

I'm proud that I'm no longer that person who is obsessed with winning over people who are on the fence about me. If I can be that person, you can, too.  With love. 

There are so many parallel existences. It makes you wonder where your life will be after the endless confusion, dilemmas, and decisions. 

I'm terrified of my mind when the quiet catches up to me. I hate when it makes unpleasant, deprecating sounds—noises that shake my body and wreck my insides. Disfigured, I go through pains to quiet it. Quiet is only when my other senses are blasted.

If you are clinging so hard at something, be sure it's not anything mediocre. 

My love has always been a gentle rain. Warm to the touch but generally saddening.

When I am people watching, I find it so so interesting how everyone is in their own world. We are so transfixed with our own lives, it makes you sort of wonder if people genuinely care about you.