It feels like I'm an anthropomorphism of a water well in a vast desert. I think about how terrible it is to not be giving enough, so I keep digging deeper and deeper into myself just to make sure everyone is happy and fully hydrated. In the dead of night, I feel dry, depleted, and hollow. The worst of it is that it's routinized. Different actions all lead to the same outcome. I'm afraid that if this continues I'll hit the bedrock of apathy. 

You would think that I would care by now, but I still don't.  

Selective apathy, I'm having difficulty deciding whether it's a blessing or a curse. By my definition, selective apathy is taking control and choosing to not care about aspects of my daily life that I feel betray me. I think my dilemma stems from the fact that there's a fine line between taking care of myself and avoiding difficult conversations. 

  I don't know what to feel about you anymore. It feels like something adjacent to love,  one where I settled. A little more lonely, A little bit sad, But a lot more freeing. So, I guess it's not too bad. I don't care anymore about whether I cross your mind.

And just like that, you're meaningless. Another temporary insignificant piece of my life. 

  I'm feeling sad; lately, I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I feel like my love for people is misplaced. 

There's a hole inside my soul that seems to grow by the day. I'm not too sure why it's there... I try to shoot it down, but I always miss the mark. It's like there's an invisible force stopping me from figuring everything out.  Maybe...everything is already figured out. Maybe, I'm supposed to embrace this hallowed space within me. Perhaps it's a sign of change.