I'm tired of feeling inadequate. I'm tired of feeling sad. I'm tired of being swallowed up by words. I'm tired of soaking in my hurt. I'm tired of thinking about ways to fix impossible problems. I'm trudging forward. I don't know why I sunk myself to this idea that my redemption is in self-destruction. I realize it's not my duty to fix you. I did all of that I could. In all the sharp words, looks of contempt, feelings of discomfort. I'm trudging forward. 

Oh, I feel so small lately. Everything and everyone just feels so daunting. I hope I start feeling better again. 

I just need time to digest everything that I'm feeling.

There's nothing worse than losing yourself in order to be marketable.

Don't carry today's and tomorrow's troubles with today's energy; that's too much of a load. 

Okay, some people don't deserve my kindness; I'm so over trying to make people who always feel shitty happy. It's so draining. I think this year will be a year of self-preservation. One where I won't have to give a fuck about meaningless people in my life.

It's just, why would I be around people who don't enjoy my company? Why should I be around people who make me feel shitty about my decisions? Why should I be around people who make me feel agony, guilt, and remorse? Why should I pretend to be enjoying myself? I'm not a sheep.  

To the person who made me feel shitty about what I can and cannot do,  my capabilities are beyond what you can ever imagine.  You will never be able to plant a seed of doubt in my head.  You say things of spite to your reflection.  Punishing me is punishing you.  The demons inside you, your insecurities,  they will continue to grow as you feed them your self-projection.  They will fester to your soul, and you will rot.  

  When I'm sad or lonely, I retreat to my family. I love all of them unconditionally. I want to serve them as best as I possibly can! If I lack the motivation to succeed for myself, I will at least try to succeed for them. No matter how badly I deteriorate, I will make sure they have everything they need and are happy and fulfilled. 

Have you ever been afraid to admit that you are falling out of love with someone? For some reason, I am. My person has provided so much structure to who I am and who I want to be. The thought of them leaving is synonymous with the idea of me losing a part of my identity. Repetitive heartbreak taught me that; my love is simply a bewildering attempt to find myself. I no longer feel like we could be together. I'm happy for you, but not in the way that "it makes happy that you're happy." In a way, I'm utterly apathetic to who you want to be with; you don't deserve me. I feel a duty to preserve my happiness. 

Sorry, right now, I'm too fragile to even think about it. I'll be emotionally unavailable for some time. I'm pretty tired. My life isn't just about this, you know. I need time for myself and the things real life requires me to do. Don't worry, though; in the back of my mind, I still care. Well, I'll keep trying to.

Too unsettled to do anything right now. I need to mend and reconstruct; only then is when I will feel ready.

  Don't get the wrong idea, if I had to choose between myself or you. You're trivial, no matter how perfect you may be.

  It's s odd when the estranged act so cordial around me; it's like I entered a raffle for one of the three dark triads of psychology. They give me butterflies, the kind where I'm unsettled. The kind that makes me feel unsafe. Don't get too close; it takes a lot of effort to preserve my psyche.