Why is there resistance when people speak about the bad parts of everyday life?  People always try to display pessimistic feelings through a positive frame or through comparison. No. There's as much value in knowing just how bad things are versus how great things can be. There wouldn't be any joys in life if we didn't first know and understand everything that makes it bad. We cope according to our hurt and pains. I think it's important to acknowledge that every emotion contributes to the best version of ourselves, not just the ones that makes us feel good.

  I don't know what to feel about you anymore. It feels like something adjacent to love,  one where I settled. A little more lonely, A little bit sad, But a lot more freeing. So, I guess it's not too bad. I don't care anymore about whether I cross your mind.

  I'm grateful that I can hold back.  My silver tongue can be pretty sharp.  Dull slashes don't usually bother me,  but the repetitive action becomes a blunt force.  Bruises I cannot tolerate even on iron skin.  My forge reaches unexpected highs.  I get my blade ready for war.  So much furry, so much hate.  Instead of killing my enemy,  I perform. I swallow the sword with full conviction because murder makes me tremble,  and I don't like the smell of blood. I consume the steel not to be consumed by guilt. 

  Hurt people hurt people; couldn't be more true. 

  Why would you ask me questions like that? How can you be so unfeeling? Why would I want that? You know what I want. Leave me alone with your nonsense. 

  I've been researching how love is supposed to be. Everything was coherent and consistent with what I was going through; It reinforced my emotions and observations about you. However, during my look, a line of reasoning shifted my center of gravity. "because if you loved someone, why wouldn't you tell them." My conclusion is you don't love me. Or, unlike me to you, your love doesn't prevail in every context.

And just like that, you're meaningless. Another temporary insignificant piece of my life. 

I needed a couple of reasons to hate you anyway.  You are insensitive about how I feel; You always have been. I turned a blind eye to that because I love way too hard. You lack conviction. You cling to an apathetic facade to avoid real issues in your life. You only ever acknowledge me when I reach out to you. I don't remember you ever checking up on me or ever worrying about me. It's always one-sided.  You grow and grow more like a stranger as the years have gone. I don't feel like you appreciate my company anymore.  You could live your life perfectly fine even if I weren't around. I realize your life would probably be so much better if I weren't around anyways. You probably think that too. You act in the manner that annoys me the most; I always push the idea to the back of my head, but, you know what, I hate that you're selfish. I hate that I have to hear you talk about how you are so deprived of love when I could give you all the fucking love in the world. How...

  How about just looking at me? Can't you even look? Am I that distorted, disfigured? It's like a permanent marker, "undeserving," carved on my temple. Don't you care enough? Fine. 

  Thanks for trying. I appreciate that. I kept it at that. I was a fool for thinking that was enough.

Why are you still feeding into the idea? You are the loser; just get over it. Let the person be. 

  You are genuinely kind. I just fell in love with...you; all of what you are. I'm wrong for thinking that you used me for your own validation. You do love me, just not how I want you to. It would be a lie to say I'm okay with that, but what can I really do? I can't just blow a candle and be with you. I want your unconditional love.  

I feel obligated to say I'm feeling "alright" in my moments of vulnerability because I don't feel secure enough to tell you I'm lonely. To tell you I have issues, that my soul feels unsettled, and that you made a mistake. 

I honestly wholeheartedly tried today. I just can't act like I'm okay around you. If I can be frank, I'd rather you just not talk to me. Meaningless interaction will not fix how you broke my heart.  "Don't try to speak to me; it's the last thing I want right now."

After your purposeful distancing, you don't get to say stuff like "I miss you." You don't deserve the satisfaction. You left a big hole. I'm no longer a safety net. Betrayal is like a sharp pair of scissors. 

Do these convictions burn me at the stake? Is my love dark magic?  Were you a victim, or were you simply enchanted? With my dying wish, I say to thee, my love shall be smothered into ashes.  "You do not get my mercy, lion. You are a beast through and through."

I think you are really great, and I would totally want to be with you, but you make me feel insecure. Insecure in the sense that your eyes linger. That my love is not enough of a force to keep you by me and me alone . I love you, I know that's true, but do you really love me? In my sleep, I question. Who?  Who else can take your heart away from me? If I have to fight to take it from you, is it truly worth it? I want the reassurance that you will be there for me, that you will love me and me alone.