I love making people laugh and feel happy. I want to just keep doing that until the very day I die. 

My worst fear has been that in my constant retrospection of our beautiful love scene, you no longer care.

I have been making outstanding progress. I feel a good change in myself. I discovered that I have to try hard to even think about you. You have become something of a useless fact. Prevalent but meaningless to me. 

I romanticized a life that isn't real. No one lives in this state of constant bliss. The reality is that everyone just shows biased snapshots of life. It's not always great or happy. Life can be dull, monotonous, lonely, chaotic... It's all normal. 

I choose to be free from you. I'm going to start forgetting.  Despite trying to forget, my heart always seems to remember. 

My heart is so scarred that I don't even trust people's acts of kindness anymore. I have been shaped to think that it's just some attempt to let my guard down, so that they have power over me. The world is very cruel. I don't want to be naïve or self-berating when people bring harm to me anymore. I can't keep making excuses for people. 

When someone no longer gets my love I wonder if they feel a little bit empty. 

I may be alone but I am happy. It's been quite a while since I last felt like this. 

What you learn as you move through life is some things are not worth it. Don't fall victim into some power plays Narcissists set out for you. You are better than that. I am not a person who holds onto anger, I do however hold onto wisdom that helps me protects my inner peace. 

I will live my life. I will be happy. I will love unconditionally. You will no longer hold any value in my life. Not because I'm malicious, because I'm strong enough to let go of people who hurt me, and continue to hurt me. 

I'm starting to feel better again, I'm glad.

Hindsight, what horrible person that was. I was so overwhelmed by the disapproval that I let this person chip away at my sense of self-worth. I don't care if you hate me or is disapproving of me. I don't see much value in your person either. I was a fool for thinking your opinions of me carried more weight than my opinions of you. You were despicable. All that pain you caused me, I wish for you to feel it all. All those looks of despise and those loud booming moments of silence, feel it all. That persistent feeling of questioning your sanity, feel all of that as well. I think maybe the reason why it's hard for me hate people is I was making room for people who really deserve it. I think you deserve it. A slow agonizing burn. I often imagine how you probably felt powerful emotionally abusing me; stonewalling me. I fell into it because of hope. A bait you meticulously placed in the trap made of your narcissism. People say that, time will heal, time will make you forget. Maybe

I am sad because someone has made me question whether I am a good person or not. I feel like I tried so hard to be good. I guess my problem is I can't accept that some people want nothing to do with me at all. I have these depressive episodes because I have a such a low sense of self-worth, and one little nudge sends me to hell. I feel like I'm a slow poison. I feel like all my love ever brings is misery. I feel like I deserve everything bad that happens to me. I hate myself for making others feel horrible. I often think that I should just free myself of people. I think that the kindest thing I could do is just disappear. 

You can be happy now. I never wanted win something so pointless. You are free from me now. 

One set back makes me feel like my life is going to shit. Isn't that so pathetic of me. In an odd way, it's kind of humorous. 

I need to start thinking about what it is I want from life. What it is I need to be present and to live fully.

I left because I didn't want to give anybody the opportunity to harm me. Self-preservation has always been the practice on top of my list. 

People always want a reaction. People always want you to be in a state of suffering. People try to be cruel to you. Just be kind, they are obviously insecure about something in themselves. Remember your principles, and look at everything objectively. Don't even talk to them.

I realize that I grieve for an alter ego, someone who was kind, respectful, full of emotion. The person I see now is just a hollow shell of what was once a great person. Realizing that has helped me tremendously. 

Humility doesn't work on toxic people. Cut them off. 

I'm not in so much pain anymore, though, I do mourn still. 

I'm a quiet soul, with a loud mind, and a big heart. 

Just work on yourself. Don't get distracted. 

In all my agony, I still have love for you. It's never going to be the same for us, you know I know that well enough. I've been carrying this weight.

The sky goes gray. My vision focused and distorted all at once.  Quiet yet out in the open. Fearful. Scared of making a mistake. Ruined.  All of it.

You are so toxic. Everything about you is inauthentic. The way you smirk like a snake, it's bothersome. The way you find joy in other people's pain it's disgusting. I wouldn't be surprised if chaos floods your brain. With the amount of negativity that comes out of your mouth, it's inevitable. How you can you expect love the way you are? All do you do drag people down with your own self-pity. May peace be lost with you. 

I keep justifying everyone. I'm a deeply emotional person. I mask everyone in such a beautiful image that I fail to notice how much they hurt me. More and more I realize the evils of humanity. More and more I lose the will to care for other people. I fear that one day empathy will just be a buzz word. 

I am so broken at the moment. I'm paralyzed when I see you. I feel trapped in my body. I talk of trauma, but I didn't account for my own. When you are around I have this nauseatingly claustrophobic feeling. You don't bring me comfort anymore, I feel anxious, and scared. I used to think you were somebody who can support and protect me. It's not the case anymore. It's like you are mercury. I feel a slow death in your presence. I feel poisoned, and withering away. I feel a physical urge to get away from you. All you do is bring me harm now. Unjustified, unprovoked harm. You're abusive in ways you don't know. I need to get away from you.