jpenseur; Introspective Personal Journal, Poetry, and Anthology.

Sometimes I wonder if you sit with this feeling. I hate it, and a part of me wishes that you are suffering as much as I am. That way atleast it was real. Substantial. Meaningful. You left something permanent, and try as I may, I can't get rid of it.  I always feel like I need to be kind. As if kindness would expedite my healing. No. I don't wish you well. I want for you to burn with the same intensity of flames used to crush my spirit.  I bind you to sit with this feeling. I want you to feel unseen, unheard, and alone. To inflict that on me was so easy. I wish to do the same to you. All I ever wanted in my life was to know love.

Time flies when you get caught up in life's breeze. I stopped internalizing a lot of things. I have let go of a lot expectations. I have openning my heart and mind to new things. It feels like I'm reclaiming my life, and I am excited. 

 Life is difficult for a highly sensitive person. 

I don't feel like holding onto some of my relationships with people. I have this gut feeling at times that they don't really have my best interest at heart.

I know what's bad for me, and sometimes I keep myself in it because it feels right to torment myself. To punish myself for things I shouldn't blame myself for. For things I shouldn't be so hard on myself for. For things I can't control. It's self-sabotage. I have been doing this too often. Too much. I'm writing to remind myself to stop. To breathe. To look beyond and be better. 

At 25 people expect you to be running the world. What a ridiculous thing to see.

I dislike how performative my family can be. Why act better than you are in reality? I want to be person that has nothing to hide.