jpenseur; Introspective Personal Journal, Poetry, and Anthology.

How can you know yourself entirely if you refuse to embrace your shadows? You are ugly in so many ways; it's foolish to think otherwise. I admit, it's been difficult for me to hold myself accountable for my ugliness but I am trying. 

Not everyone you meet is going to be build you up. Not everyone who is kind to your face intends to be kind to you behind your back. One thing to know about about people is, they pick apart the subjective you. The percieved good and bad. You will never hear the bad because the people who talk about it are kind. The kind that isn't good. To many people, showing kindness is a performance, and not a practice of goodness. Everyone wants to be liked, but no one wants to be going out of their way.  The loneliest people in the world are the ones who are kind to you even if they don't really mean it from the bottom of their heart. These days its feels like a betrayal to pretend. 

You know what sucks about putting a cap on what you think you can achieve later in life vs when you were younger. It takes a lot more time and confidence to break from the mindset.  I think it started after highschool. That's when comparison was really creeping up on me.  It's a lot worse now because everyone wants everyone to know how great their lives are. Often times when people don't get the recognition they seek. They are really in your face about how they are at the very least doing better than you.  Retrospectively, I find it kind of funny, I'm sure whenever this would happen to me it left a bad taste in my mouth—I'm now realizing, when people show off or compare,  they recognize there's a lack of something there. Comparison is the thief of joy as they say. 

Everyday people work extremely hard to have moments of happiness. Some never do. I have so many opportunities to in my life to live an authentically happy life. Today, I am happy. Always choose light because that's the selfless thing to do. 

The way the different flowers' colours popped all at once, it was so beautiful. You can have so much going on but flowers will always be blooming. Completely exclusive to all your tribulations. Should you be putting so much weight on these things? Should they really be this heavy. 

 Sometimes the things that break your heart fix your vision.

Don't participate in your active exploitation.