jpenseur; Introspective Personal Journal, Poetry, and Anthology.

Don't participate is your active exploitation.

I feel like for the longest time I have trying my very best to like everyone else. Out of loneliness? Perhaps. Whatever the case may be. I'm going to stop pretending to care about things I don't really. It takes up too luvj room in my mind. To be this and to be that. To say this. To not say that. It's too much unnecessary noise and clutter. 

 I look at myself from an outside place and I don't know who I'm looking at. When I see who I was and who I am now, I feel that I have lost someone important. I wonder if we will ever meet again.

Its funny how we realize after something is gone that that we had things really good. For the longest time I was chasing this ideal life. I was convinced that I needed it as some sort of ladder for my pyramid of fulfilment but now that I got what I thought I wanted. I was actually better off without. Life felt like life before all this chasing. 

Sometimes the world hits you with circumstances that challenge your sense of security. Everything warps around you, and you find yourself alone in your own thoughts. Why of all things this? Why me? Woe is me. You crumble in your pursuit of answers. The thing about life is, when it's good you don't think about measures and backups for when it gets shitty. It's hard to cope. It's overwhelming. It's stew of so many emotions. I don't have the answers to fix whatever broken inside myself or the world. However, I'm putting blind faith in the one thing my mother knows and stands by with all her chest. Bad and Good are always in a race, but Good will always stand on top. 

A sad reality of this world is, good people never win. 

There's a sense of community in taking public transit. Especially when there's this mutual understanding of a shared space. You are kind and respectful of others. It's odd but it feels warm.