There is that genuine desire to want to see people. There's is also that self-serving need to see people. When the void is there, I dont want to be an ornament. I would rather be free floating, like a ballon. Seeing all. All at once. 

I am the best version of myself when im not inhibited by a bad self image. I'm happy when im both competent and confident. I'm loved when im both competent and confident. 

There's something so liberating with no longer chasing for spaces. Spaces that never really had room for you. You were never losing. You were just not meant to be there. There are better places to be. 

I heard someone say to me that they would entrust me a their dog's puppy if it ever had one. I asked why, and they said it's because I'm a good person. That was really nice to hear.  I am sad that I didn't fully think that I was a good person when I heard it. Good people brighten other people's life and yet I feel that my presence can sometimes cause their shadows to emerge.  I want to starts believing that I am a good person. The kind of belief that isn't fueled by how others react to me. 

To the person that is for me, know that I have been becoming the best that I can be so that I am able to hold so much love for when you eventually come into my life. 

 I am proud of who I was, who I am now, and who I'll be in the future.