I'm trying my best to hold onto the things dear to my heart. I'm learning to just embrace the quiet of things, to just to just love what is in front of me. If anyone wrongs me, even if they don't intend to, then I'll focus on appreciating everything else. It's a burden to the heart to be angry or to feel like a victim. It's a burden in the mind to constantly be thinking about betrayal. If betrayal does come. My love and my light will shine somewhere else. I'm devoting myself entirely because that's what feels right. That's what feels warm. That's what brings me peace of mind and soul. 

 I thought about you today, and I feel very blessed to have you in my life. I think authenticity is hard come to by, and you are the most genuine person I know. 

I love how genuine you make me feel. I love how you genuinely enjoy my company. I love how genuine you are as a person.  Genuinely, I'm blessed to have you around. 

There's a lot of humility in not oversharing. The reason is that you are not too caught up in your own life. You acknowledge the complexities of others'. I learned that I'm so much happier when I'm not preoccupied with force-feeding my life to people and hoping it's up to their taste. Food tastes much better when you make changes that cater to your  palate.     

You seem to come by here and there—clouds to my judgment. I think about how despite so much deprivation, I find joy in the memories I spent with you. It floods in and drains out through my eyes. I remember your face under pink lighting and how enamoured I was. I remember you holding me with care and how when I was broke, you would fix me with urushi lacquer. You finished everything in gold. I admired you for that. Do you remember when you were sleeping close to me? You looked so calm, I wish I could have been the same, but I was restless; In love. I remember feeling unstoppable whenever I felt your breath on my face. I kissed you on the cheek, without a doubt. These days, I don't find myself restless about you. However, I do, on occasion, wonder if you ever think about me. I think about what kind of mistake I was for you. Either way, I was wrong.

I don't know how to act in a way where I reassure someone that they're the only one I have eyes for. I always sense heartbreak and never know what to do about it. I always feel guilty. I could talk to fewer people, but that would make me depressed. I could be more reserved, but it just makes me feel inauthentic. I just wish people trusted in my character. 

Never take life for granted because you won't know when it'll be taken away from you. 

There are days when I hate being in my skin, days when I feel trapped in a repulsive room, disappointed by the fact that I can't meet my ideals. One thing I have disregarded as a norm is the feeling of discomfort when I see raw images of myself. I'm not fond of the creeping feeling I get when I see my insecurities flaring up. I hide behind fake portrayals to avoid such feelings. Eventually, I fool myself into thinking these fake identities are truths. I'm trying to learn that no person loves themselves one hundred percent, one hundred percent of the time. There's always going to be that one 'thing.' With that said, it's a blessing to have a capable vessel. Despite all the shortcomings of our bodies, we must approach it as we do with a gift, with honest, complete appreciation. 

If you take time to zoom out and look beyond yourself, the world can be beautiful despite all the shitty things happening right now. The sky is particularly beautiful today.

It's a privilege to be born with a healthy, capable body. I want to acknowledge that because I feel society forgets sometimes. It's truly something to be grateful for. 

To the artist that reinvented me, I thank you. You made a mosaic of my broken pieces. All of me meticulously laid to form a beautiful image. My blues made up the sky. My green tinting the ground. My yellow, forming daffodils all around. My red made up a door. To the artist that reinvented me, thank you for the opportunity to see a better version of me.

  How about just looking at me? Can't you even look? Am I that distorted, disfigured? It's like a permanent marker, "undeserving," carved on my temple. Don't you care enough? Fine. 

There are days when people expectedly uplift you. Surprise! All of a sudden, you have a smile. These days are the warmest. 

Today feels warm. I took a walk around amass of birds and tropicals. I found my comfort zone in Maplecomb Amaretto. The day just started; I'm feeling good about it. 

I love this space for what it is. A space for fundamental leadership. A space to better my life.