"Be unassuming. Otherwise, you'll cry."

The Narcissist

Me — i.e, jpenseur
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Hindsight, what horrible person that was. I was so overwhelmed by the disapproval that I let this person chip away at my sense of self-worth. I don't care if you hate me or is disapproving of me. I don't see much value in your person either. I was a fool for thinking your opinions of me carried more weight than my opinions of you. You were despicable. All that pain you caused me, I wish for you to feel it all. All those looks of despise and those loud booming moments of silence, feel it all. That persistent feeling of questioning your sanity, feel all of that as well. I think maybe the reason why it's hard for me hate people is I was making room for people who really deserve it. I think you deserve it. A slow agonizing burn.

I often imagine how you probably felt powerful emotionally abusing me; stonewalling me. I fell into it because of hope. A bait you meticulously placed in the trap made of your narcissism. People say that, time will heal, time will make you forget. Maybe it will...but I have my doubts. When I think of you, and all you've done, and all you've chosen to be, I get angry. I get so angry. Anger I have never felt, like an endless fire. I want the world to rectify my pain with your suffering. In my mind, I know how bad that sounds, but my heart tells me that maybe that's just what I need. I think for the damage you have done to me, a lifetime of misery is due.

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