I'm deeply ashamed of people in my life that is so disgusted by the impoverished. I don't sense any ounce of respect for others from them. Respect should be blind, much like justice. Social standing is the root of all evil. I don't pity people who don't pity themselves. If they are happy, why is it my place to say they should be miserable? From the small glimpse I've had of a developing country, I realize that in certain cases living here makes me feel happiest. The most genuine, The most loving. 

A lifetime of being surrounded by people so immersed by their appearances on social media made me realize something. It's really sad to be present with everything else but life. Real-life, not this fabricated, photoshopped idealism. I know that we don't always submerge everything in sugar because, sometimes, it's better just the way it is. 

I feel a lot of pressure to be someone that is able to bear all the problems of my loved ones. It's what my parents did for me and I want to be able to do the same but better. I feel a lot of pressure from the idea of leaving this mission unfulfilled. I also feel pressure from the ambiguity of what this mission really means to me. 

I wish emotions were tangible, something you can catch and preserve. That way, when I feel entitled or angry, I have something I can turn to, to diffuse such a damaging spectacle. 

Somedays, I don't feel like myself. Actually, it's more like I'm not sure who I really am. I get days when I'm shy, timid, and unbothered. I question whether that's my authentic self, and the person that shows face is really this fabricated people pleaser tweaked through years of discouragement and doubt. 

What's with needing to feel important to be important? Can we just accept that we have weight in the world regardless of what we feel? Everyone matters.