The melancholy is always lingering just below the surface - almost like gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe. 

I'm so good at hating myself. If I put even just an ounce of that energy into being a better person, I think maybe I can get good at liking myself too. 

What I can't see won't hurt me. I love you to the point where a glimpse completely shatters me. I can't fix myself if I'm always met with a reminder. It's never you; not ever your fault once. 

I learned something about me that is so interesting but also so tragic. I generally don't care about how others view me; however, there are a select few that really matter to me. If I don't get the sort of support from the ones so close to my heart, I get so crushed. 

I think I'm broken. I don't see love the way I used to see love. It seems I'm no longer able to absorb it the way I used to. I think I have healed but the scars changed me. I don't know, I think I miss how I used to see love. It's no longer pink; tinged, slightly yellowed. I hope it gets better. Whatever better looks like. 

I wish emotions operated like a switch. I'm often overwhelmed with all of it. It would be nice to just turn it off once in a while. To not care. Caring is a double-edged sword. Happy and Sad at the same time. 

It's sad how sometimes the people you expect the most support from end up disappointing you. Making you feel insecure or not good enough for your ambitions.  

One commonality between successful people is discipline. I want to be more on top of things. I know that when I'm not, I'm not feeling my best. Yet, I never have this drive to fix things. I'm sure I wrote about this a few times but I guess this is another reminder. Hello me, work towards your goals and your happiness.

 I think for a long time I have operated under the premise that if I don't do my work at this given time, I will not succeed. Having recently acquired freedom over my time, I feel that I lost this sense of structure. It's neither good nor bad. It's just different from what I'm used to. I feel unproductive because because of this learning curve. 

Today, I think you called me. Perhaps it wasn't even you. Still, it was really nice hearing you chuckle like that. I love making you happy. My day didn't start out that great, but you know what, you made it a little bit brighter. 

Not focusing hard enough on sleeping. Thinking too much about limerence and melodramatic crushes. At least thinking doesn't hurt anymore. 

I have that feeling again when everything is hopeless. It's like I'm floating, and something is eating away at me from the inside. It's maybe that or maybe this, but all I know is it's not great at all. I'm not great at all.

 Breathe through it. Just breathe through it. You will be fine. Put on your best music, and just breathe through it. 

Why do I always let people who don't even think about me bother me? I'm forcing those people out of my mind like they did me. I know I can have an amazing life if I focus less on that waste. 

I had a hard day today. I felt like a puzzle coming apart. My body was precise, but my mind was scattered. I put a lot of energy into making sure none of my pieces fly away. Every day is an opportunity for self-development. That's a fact; it doesn't change based on how shitty you might be feeling.

Loss is a scary feeling. A taste of it, and I am a completely transformed person. 

I'm so full of joy—joy that comes from the inside. Like a furnace, I keep the room warm. I'm full of joy; when I smile, they smile back. When I say incomprehensible weirdness under my breath, people chuckle. My joy is my love, all-encompassing, gentle, and meticulously caring. I am in love with my relationship with joy. 

I found this very insightful video about life. To sum it up, it emphasizes the importance of accepting that life is a collection of ebbs and flows. That life isn't about just bathing in highs;  that a lot of life can also be mundane or unpleasant. All of life is okay. Once you realize that quiet and stillness are okay, the more you will be content. 

There are moments in my life when an alter ego takes over. He's driven and always locked in. He is sensible and makes the best decisions. When he's around, I feel like I can do anything. 

I think what hurt really bad with failed relationships is being tied down to this idea of greatness. When you free yourself from those shackles the world shines a little bit brighter. 

The whole concept of confirmation bias is so interesting. The human tendency to find evidence based on our preexisting beliefs. If you were to tie that down with a positive bias, you could really rule the world. Love and peace. 

Distance makes the heart go fonder. 

Some days...