A phrase that stuck to me is 'No one is going to remember you for what you do, but will remember you for how you made them feel.' Anyone that's made me feel shitty, made me feel less than, unworthy, undeserving...I remember. I remember it all clearly. I offer no grace for those kind of people. I'll engulf them with light. One where it's so blinding bright, they dissappear. No horid person deserves room in my mind. 

The worst part about being a human being is that everyone is egocentric and everyone needs attention, and everyone feels entitled to this and that. Everyone idolizes unimportant things. Everyone glorifies their own horrors. I'm no exception, but I try to better than that. Most people aren't. Most people lack that sort depth. I'm tired of listening to problems I dont really care about and giving energy to people who don't deserve it.

I am in complete disarray at the moment. I'm not too sure why. I think maybe I'm in 12 different places at once with a million things to do. I hope I can sort everything out soon. 

I think what makes so intelligent is that from an early age, I have realized that the projections people put on me is never my truth. I am not someone that is easily influenced my worldly things. I never look beyond, hoping to be more than who I am. I admire and I never covet. I came into world ingrained with an unnatural wisdom that I am of my own. No one else. 

To be captivating is easy but to stay interesting is hard.

Love is like a multiple choice exam. When you're confused pick C and move along. Try to fill out the questions you know the answer to. Keep moving forward until your done. At that point, that C will just fade into the background. 

I'm waiting for a kind of love where I don't feel like I'm both too much and too little. One where I feel full, warm, and secure. Love like a home. Love like my favorite soup on a cold rainy night. I want love that's honest, love that's comfortable. Love that strips me bare, and doesn't leave me embarrassed. The kind of feeling humanity collectively yearns for. A true kind of love. 

Do they show up the way you deserve?

I am always surrounded by people who take life way too seriously. I am not that sort of person, I wish to repel people who live such linear lives. I am the type of person who sees beyond the horizon, and knows landscapes past white walls. I'm creative, and self-assured.  There's a lot of people who tell you how to live your life. I always innately understood how stupid those people are. I have the autonomy to decide what matters in my life.  I'm very picky on what I consider to be deeply meaningful. If something falls into the bin of what I consider trivial. I don't really pour my heart and energy into it like others would. I just try to learn and I try to transform trivial to joy.

I feel pressured to be perfect. I have all these things I want to be good at. People I want to be good for. However, it's all very overwhelming. I often wonder if I have the capacity for all of it. Deep deep down inside, I know I do. I just need to preserve a little bit more.