There was so many reminders today. I wished that whenever some talked about their relationships I didn't have to roll back to my negative experiences. It's just carrying that weight when I'm trying to be my best self is such hindrance. I know in my heart that I have moved on from it all; my brain just associates those experiences. I am not fond of that at all. 

 Reinvention is such a beautiful word. Growth and betterment. 

Some days I have this strong lamenting feeling about myself and the world. It's as if I am carrying a tremendous weight that's too cold for comfort. A weight that penetrates deep within the physical. I find this frequent occurrence peculiar. I wonder whether I should blame myself for not having the ability to be resilient and happy. I wonder whether this weight is something outside of myself; perhaps a collection of pessimism and disrespect I pick up throughout the day? I don't know. All I know is I don't like it at all. I feel that maybe it's triggered by something. I am actively working on getting rid of those triggers in my life. 

I think the prerequisite to abundance is the complete erasure of jealousy. 

I find myself in this familiar position of comparing myself to other people, and doubting whether I'm competent and intelligent enough. It's frustrating how much I doubt myself. Start focusing on what makes you great. 

The treatment was horrendous. Each moment felt like jabs at my existence. Such malice, such deprived thoughts and remarks. I curse you with my contempt. No person should feel the way you made me feel. My hands were tied, and so my hands are tied.  

There were a few words of wisdom imparted to me by someone who I believed to have lived a full life. One thing in particular that stood out to me was to be grateful for the part of life that may not necessarily be happy or enjoyable. It made me think about all the troughs I have encountered that have tremendously hurt and affected me. It made me question why my suffering was something to be grateful for. The reasoning was that a full life can only be achieved when we are constantly knocked down; being at our lowest enables us to reach greater heights. I was told the importance of experiencing all of it and learning to love each moment. To see this person and sense their feeling of contentment; I have no doubt in my mind that that lesson brought to me is nothing but the truth. 

When your body is telling you something, make sure you listen to it. It's all in self-love. 

Nothing special. I think that's what makes me feel chronically alone. Well, I'm the only person that can really do something about that. 

I don't have enough room in my life for people's negativity. I don't have time to argue about trivial matters. I don't want to caught up in that anymore. I realized that all those times I just took it, was tinder to the flames. It fueled everything that made me feel unlike myself. People's negative energy, I absorbed it all and it made me uneasy, reluctant, anxious, and afraid. I don't want a life like that. I feel in the core of my being, that, a person like that is not me. I don't want to be in that box again. 

Life doesn't wait for you to get better. It goes on as if you did not exist at all. You'll soon learn that people that hurt you are much the same. They could feel bad, perhaps even apologize,  but they won't wait for you to get better. Life doesn't wait for them, you, or anyone. The world doesn't owe us time. Start keeping up. Otherwise, you'll trap yourself in self-loathing.

There's a certain point where you need to just peel away the idea that you'll always be a victim. You will be so much happier. 

You know what's troubling about the world. It's how oblivious people are to the fact that, with certainty you live one human life. One miniscule existence in the expanse of the universe. With that said, why is it that we choose to box ourselves in so many social constructs. You live one human life. With certainty, one chance to make a life for yourself that you are happy with. So many missed opportunities because you were embarrassed, ashamed, performative. Why do you live your life for other's approval? Just a thought-how bad are the consequences really? Try that. 

You know what I keep to myself; that if I were to say would be detrimental in this society:  I don't feel connection or a closeness to people. They say that for an ideal to blossom, one must put in the work to realize it. Should relationships be the same? I always felt that relationships were meant to be this mutual exchange. For me to put in effort when I'm but a second, third, or fourth thought for people, ruins the idea of it for me. It's like building up something that's meant to crumble and fall. So I keep to myself. Only giving as much as what's appropriate. As much as to make other parties feel loved and not empty. Enough love to satiate when I know I can love more. I keep to myself because no one can love me the way I want to be loved. 

It's daunting to think about every human being living on this earth. There's just so much of us yet any feel a sense of isolation. I guess volume is not enough to fill hearts. Is there ever prospects of a world where no one feels displaced, unwanted, or alone? 

You know what's interesting about hurt. It looks different to everybody. If we look at it in a personal sense, our hurt is meaningful. However, from an outside perspective our hurt can be seen as a form of entitlement; something people ought to invalidate. What a shame. Labeling someone as sensitive as a means to retaliate or to invalidate their feelings is wrong. When someone is 'sensitive' it's because they saw a nuance to yours actions that you miss or fail to see. Perhaps take the time to think about why you made someone feel the way they did instead of bostering your ego.