I can't differentiate between being unlike myself and being too much like myself. I have gotten so used to being this ideal person that I feel like I lost myself a little bit. 

I find a lot of things people find normal to be quite difficult. To keep up with things and people. I find myself running away again from things uncertain.  There's a snake with a silver tougue in the middle of nowhere that tells me to stay where we are. Together in places no one sees or hears about. 'Stay away from them otherwiSssse you will bring unimaginable miSsssery!' 

I am grateful to be perceived as someone full of love and positivity. I am grateful in my availability to capture people's hearts and minds. I can we weak at times in all the nuanced of my being but I know I'll always have that love to fall back on. 

Never put up with lukewarm, and "most of the time". Look for consistency. Look for "always". Look for longevity. Look for things and people that add to your life.