jpenseur; Introspective Personal Journal, Poetry, and Anthology.

There's relief in that. There's relief in those outcomes. Now I am free. Free to be. 

How do you cope with people that want to bring you down? I think the biggest help in my toolbox of coping with the tragedies of the everyday world is realizing that what people show you is a reflection of their self. If someone treats you badly, it's because they have an internal dialogue that is negative or insecure. You reveal something about themselves they don't want to confront.  Never jeopardize your wellbeing for the sake of getting along. You are power, and you are light. Set your boundaries because it waters love.

I'm okay with not being everyone's person. 

Lately I have been feeling like I have reached the cap of what I want from life. It's not an issue of motivation, it's a map problem. Who do I want be? 

I am currently facing the repercussions of an at fault mistake of mine. I been having a hard time digesting the emotional and mental trauma resulting from it. I have also been having a hard time detaching my identity from my mistake. I'm doing my best to cope and fix what I have done but the weight of guilt and embarassment feels so immobilizing. I admire people who are able to see mistakes not as a loss but as an opportunity to be better. I am thankful for all the people who would hold my hand when I'm in pain or feel irredeemable. I am grateful for the bigger picture set out for me. In all my uncertainty; I can trust that things will work out for the best for me. 

I have not been feeling confident; I look at myself in the mirror, and have been thinking  of how unappealing I can be. Nitpicking things outside of my control. Frustrated and upset by both the lack of and the excesssiveness of my features. It's really bad that I attach so much of my confidence to my appearance. A part of me realizes that I'm conditioned that way yet I don't give myself enough grace. I need to reframe my idea of what it means to be beautiful person.