I realize that I've been very selfish, that's because I'm lonely, and I miss you. 

 It's a waste to not capitalize on your talents and resources.

I'm deeply ashamed of people in my life that is so disgusted by the impoverished. I don't sense any ounce of respect for others from them. Respect should be blind, much like justice. Social standing is the root of all evil. I don't pity people who don't pity themselves. If they are happy, why is it my place to say they should be miserable? From the small glimpse I've had of a developing country, I realize that in certain cases living here makes me feel happiest. The most genuine, The most loving. 

A lifetime of being surrounded by people so immersed by their appearances on social media made me realize something. It's really sad to be present with everything else but life. Real-life, not this fabricated, photoshopped idealism. I know that we don't always submerge everything in sugar because, sometimes, it's better just the way it is. 

I feel a lot of pressure to be someone that is able to bear all the problems of my loved ones. It's what my parents did for me and I want to be able to do the same but better. I feel a lot of pressure from the idea of leaving this mission unfulfilled. I also feel pressure from the ambiguity of what this mission really means to me. 

I wish emotions were tangible, something you can catch and preserve. That way, when I feel entitled or angry, I have something I can turn to, to diffuse such a damaging spectacle. 

Somedays, I don't feel like myself. Actually, it's more like I'm not sure who I really am. I get days when I'm shy, timid, and unbothered. I question whether that's my authentic self, and the person that shows face is really this fabricated people pleaser tweaked through years of discouragement and doubt.