Get a hold of yourself.

Me — i.e, jpenseur



Get a hold of yourself. Don't be overwhelmed by trivial things; you are capable, hardworking, and ambitious. Go at your own pace. You are your only competitor. 

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Me — i.e, jpenseur
I have people around me who bring nothing to the table; I think more and more that their company is simply a waste of time. I shouldn't say that, but that's how I think. When I'm around them, I just feel absolutely nothing. The conversation is not stimulating. There's no sort of progression; it's dull throughout. Their interests are so small in scope that it's hardly palatable. They are so concentrated on what they know they've become exclusive. So dull; I think I knew that for quite a while, but these bursts of loneliness cast such a big shadow that it made me stop realizing it. 
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Me — i.e, jpenseur
Hindsight, what horrible person that was. I was so overwhelmed by the disapproval that I let this person chip away at my sense of self-worth. I don't care if you hate me or is disapproving of me. I don't see much value in your person either. I was a fool for thinking your opinions of me carried more weight than my opinions of you. You were despicable. All that pain you caused me, I wish for you to feel it all. All those looks of despise and those loud booming moments of silence, feel it all. That persistent feeling of questioning your sanity, feel all of that as well. I think maybe the reason why it's hard for me hate people is I was making room for people who really deserve it. I think you deserve it. A slow agonizing burn. I often imagine how you probably felt powerful emotionally abusing me; stonewalling me. I fell into it because of hope. A bait you meticulously placed in the trap made of your narcissism. People say that, time will heal, time will make you forget. Maybe...
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Me — i.e, jpenseur
Something I've been scared of confronting is the possible idea that I'm never to have ambition. As of now, I've convinced myself and others I have big plans, but I know in the back of my head how dishonest I'm being. I guess it's easier to be vague than to say you don't have dreams, right? In my world, motivation thus far, has only been to save face. I feel like I have never strived for anything substantial or adding value. It upsets me that I'm at this crossroads of not knowing, and not caring. I just want a bit more direction, to find at least one thing that sets me up for good. 
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Me — i.e, jpenseur
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Me — i.e, jpenseur
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Me — i.e, jpenseur
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Chinook pushing you away from where I want you to be.

Me — i.e, jpenseur
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Me — i.e, jpenseur
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