"Be unassuming. Otherwise, you'll cry."

I'm afraid I'm slowly turning into a monster.

Me — i.e, jpenseur
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I'm afraid I'm slowly turning into a  monster. I have so much anger inside me that sometimes It feels like It will just burst. It feels like unexploded ordnance, buried in all my overthinking and unpleasant interactions. It starts as frustration and stays that way until I eventually find myself pleading for a solution. When left with silence, my frustration morphs into a vicious flame of anger. I become very sensitive; agitated by everything. I put on a smile even though I'm screaming in my head. I've been thinking about what has been fueling these flames, and I realized that it's everything and everyone that's been abusing my kindness. What makes me the angriest are the hypocrites who say they care for me but harm me all the same. My soul is deteriorating, and this anger and agitation have been its way of self-preservation. For the past week, I've had to choose between being around people and being angry or avoiding people and feeling lonely. My brain prefers the latter because I hate making other people feel bad, but my heart wishes it could just scream at everything. Sometimes I find myself in a dark place in my mind where I hear a voice, my voice, telling me that the world needs a good dose of my chaos. I don't want to be a monster, but lately, it feels like it's out of my control.

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