I feel challenged by myself. I want to be so great that I won't ever have days where I wish to rebuke or deny myself. That will be my new goal and a personal promise. 

Every day is a constant struggle to find peace with just how I am, but as days go by, I feel more and more like that isn't the case anymore. I love who and where I am; I only ever struggled because I thought about saving face. The only face that ever needs saving is one that is judgemental and lacks empathy. 

You do everything else to help you avoid your problems, but your 'distractions' always seem to just bring you closer to them. You keep busy to cope will all were dealt with. You create images in your attempts to make good of the bad. Winning is being better than we were. Happy for those who try and those who have triumphed.

We live in a world where success and merit is influenced by outwardly appearances. That's more than enough of a reason to know how badly we need a refresh. Appearance shouldn't dictate complexity and identity of persons. The phrase 'don't judge a book by its cover' is known by many, but few actively apply it in their lives. What kind of world would we live in, if everyone was allowed to shine? Personally, I think one of progress and innovation. 

Where's the transparency nowadays? People sell hollow promises of success like its a drug to people low from low self esteem. Its cruel and problematic. People are lead astray into an endless tunnel. Putting effort to something seemingly concrete. I feel like with how things are, success becomes scarce and there's no real authentic shot at it. 

I look at you unapologetically. I say outlandish blurbs of indication.  I give gifts right from the heart.  I laugh at your soliloquies. When you went in for a hug, I almost gave in discomfort.  I wish I had raised the white flag.  I don't know much, but I do know one thing. I want things to work out.   

I get terrified that whenever I like someone, I'm just their temporary dosage of intravenous serotonin or some pill for emotional fulfillment. I'm insecure, which manifests itself into paranoia. Am I just your placeholder for when you find someone more fitting to be by your side? 

When you are alone, you learn more and more about yourself. You gain a sort of confidence from not being boxed in people's thoughts of you. 

It feels like I'm an anthropomorphism of a water well in a vast desert. I think about how terrible it is to not be giving enough, so I keep digging deeper and deeper into myself just to make sure everyone is happy and fully hydrated. In the dead of night, I feel dry, depleted, and hollow. The worst of it is that it's routinized. Different actions all lead to the same outcome. I'm afraid that if this continues I'll hit the bedrock of apathy. 

There's something about making you feel great that makes me feel great. I feel like I forget all else when I try to please you. All this time I've been feeling like rock floating in space. With stroke of luck, I entered your orbit. You unknowingly pulled me in. I serve happily as your moon. Happy to indefinitely revolve around you, and admire everything that makes you you. 

You know, being inlove doesn't have much downsides...but there's one prevalent 'me' problem I always face. I get love induced insomnia. The kind where I have so much built up emotion, that the wires in my brain lose function. I accidentally create an overworked mechanism that constantly thinks about how things should be. It's frustrating. I'm telling you, ample sleep would be a godsend for any relationship. 

I love how genuine you make me feel. I love how you genuinely enjoy my company. I love how genuine you are as a person.  Genuinely, I'm blessed to have you around. 

Something we don't think about when entering a relationship that hits us hard when we do get into one is whether the person we choose to be with is at a hundred percent with our dreams and ambition. Infatuation can only bring so much to the table. Loving someone is much more complex than we realize; I'm learning to tread more lightly. 

I'm really terrified of the thought that I will be completely trapped in a life expected of me by other people. The idea of finding a nine-to-five job, settling down with someone, and having a couple of kids is not appealing to me. It's really frustrating that I can't just go with complete surrender and abandon everything to chase after happiness. I have responsibilities and commitments. This may be difficult and controversial, but I find that the people closest to me tie me down. I'm not mad about it; it just sometimes feels like I'm some domesticated animal. Loved because of obedience instead of obedience to my loves. 

I'm in deep thought about love. How it tugs at you,  How you ignore it,  How, eventually, it gets to you. Like how a harp's strings snap,  There goes your heart. You cower in the thought of being alone,  Yet, romance is unfathomable. A walking contraction. Loner, hoping to trip into someone else path. I'm in deep thought about love.

I hate the upkeep of friendship when I want to focus on bettering my life. I don't think friendship should be exhausting.

Left with the feeling that I'll never be enough, I hid in the comfort of my room and sang in the back of my mind sweet melodies of self-love. Yet despite this, I heard minor inconveniences, minor sadness, and minor defeat.

You know one thing I struggle with that most people seemingly have an easy time with, falling in love. I only ever felt like I saw myself with someone for a long time once, and that didn't really end too well. I get days where I'm really lonely and feel completely hopeless about the fact. I can't find it in myself to seek romantic relationships because, to be completely transparent, the idea that love is a task set out by judgement doesn't sit well with me. Adding on top of that, I'm not easily trusting anymore; whenever I put my heart out on my sleeve, it always ends up soaking in disappointment. I wish I could find someone who can give me full reassurance that no matter what, I'll always be relevant, kept safe, and kept warm. That's truly all I want. 

I feel incredibly disrespectful when I'm uncomfortable. I'm too hard on myself. I just so desperately want people around me to be happy. Despite all my effort for genuinity. I avoid eye contact when I joke. Quick entertainment, an excuse for pointless errands.