I gave someone advice about their overthinking of relationships. I told them 'do you think the people you think about, think about you as much as you think about them? If the answer is no, then why are you directing so much of your internal energy on them?'. Just leave them alone, and let the idea of you not being there marinate. If they cared about you they would know. If someone loves you, you would know. 

I started noticing this more, and more now that I'm older. My sense of self-worth is extremely weak, and fragile. I rely too much on external validation, Oftentimes, I get addicted to talking to people, who give me very little attention, because attention is still there. In a sense I'm always trying to satiate my thirst from empty bottles. A lot of my life has been making the effort to live for other people. I need to focus more on myself. I need to stop directing a lot of my attention to people who to be frank, take me for granted. I have been trying to be better, but change is hard. I have been this way for many years, there's a lot of bad habits I need reorganize to unfurl, and dismantle. I'll start with you.

I still love you so much. In all the turbulence brought by my mind, you bring me peace. You complete me. Despite all hurt, and despite all barriers, I always find myself headed towards you. My dearest, let's make a life worth living. 

I am not the lover so I guess I can't be betrayed? Even still, it hurts. You might jest, but unlike you, when it comes to my love, I don't play the fool. That's aggravating. 

Repress repress repress. The reality of things. 

Everything and everyone has pretty much been telling me that, the way it is, it's not worth it. You can't be on the fence with someone you love. With someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Every interaction stings. It's like hot sugar to the skin.