My days have been so frustrating. I feel like there's this hungry void inside of me. Interacting with people makes me feel sick to my stomach. I feel detached. I don't know what to do to feel better. I am fading away. Someone help me.

 You will be successful. Envision it and you will live it. 

Wanting every letter on alphabet is tiring. Wanting it all comes with working harder than most. Wanting it all is balance and sacrifice. How to be better is what I want to know. 'Starting tommorow' is what I throw. Starting tommorow. Starting tommorow. 

My life in some attempt of summation, has been the lack of space. A safe space to be deep, intellectual, vulnerable. I think subcontiously, that's why I started writing. It's easier to feel when I'm not calculating. When I'm raw, and entirely honest. I can hate without feeling like I shouldn't. I can be passionate without being too much. It's like a personal study or library where I'm free to scream on top of my lungs. I can be everything. Guarded and powerful. Hopeful and cynical. Logical and emotional. My life in some attempt of summation. 

 Im selfish. When I don't get what I want, I put myself through self-loathing.  It's as if I threw away all the care and concern people have for me. I'm selfish. A case study. 

I have boundary issues. Both setting them. But also, respecting them. I'm fallible. I want to be a strong person. I think if something  like this comes up again; a moment of weakness, I need distance. 

I am okay not being with you. For a long time I feared the idea of losing you. Losing you to somebody else.   I realized something.  If someone had the kind of love I have for them, then I wouldn't be the only one who's scared. I'm wouldn't the only one that cares. About this. About us. I am okay with not being with someone who's not afraid of losing like I'm afraid of losing them.  If a person comes along in my life that has that level of fear and that level of love and that commitment, then that's beauitiful. Though, that shouldn't be my expectation. No one needs another person to fear losing themselves. We can do that all ourselves. I can do all that myself. I can love myself.  I am okay not being with you, because I shouldn't feel like I need to control you; feeling, emotions. I don't think that's what love should be. Free.  To have the autonomy to choose each other.