"Be unassuming. Otherwise, you'll cry."

What you make me think about.

Me — i.e, jpenseur
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I wish you knew how much I would punish myself before you hurt me. I wish I knew how much pain it would all be. For me to say I knew better would be a lie. 

What I did was for the better. Just not the better outcome. 

I think about you sometimes. In fleeting moments. Sometimes when I'm hoping life is good for you. A sort of bittersweet. 

I wonder how I would feel if you find that person I hoped to be. For a long time, the idea of a door closing sounded unbearable. 

I guess that just means I've been holding onto an imagined something. A metaphysical attachment to you.

No one tells you how hard it is to wash away a mark left by people you encounter in your life. It feels impossible at times. It's this repetitive thing. Like OCD minus the comfort of aligned.

I think moving on is realizing that perhaps, you weren't really washing them away. You were learning to live with it. 

I'm going to move past you. I keep waiting for you to realize that its been me this entire time, but it's honestly sad how much I seek your validation.

You are just like everyone else. I have been giving you exceptions. No more. I love you as much as I love a stranger. I love you as much as I would care for someone who is sad, hurting, and alone. That's truly more than enough love. 

Farewell.


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