I feel so vulnerable right now. It is so immensely sad, like floating on a river of sadness. Alone. Always so alone. The water is cold. So cold, I'm burning. The only heat I feel is the tears that flow along my cheeks. I'm flushed with misery. I look out and groan at the sky. 'Will I ever feel happy!'. Happy with meaning, happy with heft. I dwell on the past because that's where remnants of my joy linger. I'm a broken person; I feel like I'll always be. Always longing. Always falling short. Always looking for a temporary fix. I can't love right, and a person who can't love right isn't deserving of it. I feel so cold; my spinal fluid is liquid nitrogen. Every heavy breath is like a flash freeze.
I wonder if I'll ever get the type of love that will save me from myself. I wonder if something like that exists for a person like me.
Why are you always like this? Sometimes, I hate that I am you.