I realized that I have been overinflating my problems. To the extent that it feels like my body is going to explode. It feel pressure I can't contain. I think about why I am like this and I think its because I was conditioned to be. Since I was young I am made to feel that I should live for other people. Live up to their expectations. Both implicitly and explicitly. For me to not be at a certain point in their expectation for my life. My problem of getting there becomes a bigger dragon. I want control over my life but in order for me to do so, I need to block all the external things that dictate what it should look like.
Sound advice
How can someone expect you to treat others with kindness if you can't treat yourself with kindness?